It's Not Chocolate

Saeri ate her own poo.

*record screech*

Uh... WHAT?!

This isn't something I particularly wanted to announce on the internet, so there's no accompanying photo. Sorry... or rather, you're welcome?

It was the 3rd day of attempting to potty train, and to say it wasn't going well is a gross understatement. Yea, not going well AT ALL. She peed next to the potty 7 times. 7 times!!! RIGHT NEXT TO THE POTTY! Ugh. I would sit her on the potty for around 15-20 minutes, giving her lots of smiles and encouragement, and then I'd figure her bladder wasn't quite full enough yet and let her go on her way. She'd take a lap around the living room... and then come back to the potty and unleash a puddle right next to it, wtf!

But that was not to be the worst part of my day. No, my daughter was not done with my nerves just yet. After her 6th pee-next-to-the-potty incident, I decided to give her bum some air and quickly wash a few dishes (literally, like 4 pieces). During these 5 minutes of freedom, she proceeded to push out a turd right in front of the baby gate, where I could not see. I was glancing over at her periodically, and everything seemed so fine and dandy. I finished and walked towards the baby gate... and there were brown chunks hanging out of her mouth. It seemed strange, since I hadn't given her any snacks. That's when I saw the turd. That long, healthy-looking, half-eaten piece of POO. I put two-and-two together and immediately went into shock. I made a series of hyperventilating squealing noises, which I think scared her a bit.

I cleaned out her mouth 3 times. Then I brushed her teeth. I still have nightmares about poo being permanently stuck in between the gaps of her baby teeth.

But don't worry, I made certain to use this opportunity to place the partially eaten turd inside of the potty, successfully illustrating to her that poo goes in the potty. Er wait, did I say successfully? Oops. I actually meant to say: EPIC FAIL FAIL FAIL. She still refuses to do any business in the potty. Only next to it. (Which leads me to believe that she totally understands what the potty is for, but is purposely not using it to spite me. I believe she has Toddler-Teenager-Terror Syndrome. It's real, I promise.)

So so so so so so so so so so so so GROSS! *shudders* I still can't believe my daughter ate her own poo!

What are the ways in which your child has made you feel like a complete and utter failure of a parent (and given you a minor heart attack in the process)?